Slurpeecalafragalisticexpaladocious

According to Wikipedia, Winnipeg is the coldest city in the world.

In THE world.

Clearly this claim is based solely on records set in peculiarly cold winters, because I just left The Peg,and it was anything but cold. Quite frankly, it’s hotter than Hell in the summer.

Which, I suppose, explains why the good folks at 7-11 have crowned Winnipeg “THE SLURPEE CAPITAL OF THE WORLD!”

For the eleventh year in a row.

Eleven years.

In a row.

Slurpees.

That’s right, folks. There is no place else on planet Earth that consumes more Slurpees per capita than Winterpig.

Nowhere.

Slurpees.

Being that I’m a “vat o’latte” kind of gal, I find the idea of mass Slurpee consumption puzzling and more than mildly disgusting.I have never felt compelled to seek out a 7-11, hit the Slurpee machine, and suck back a one-way ticket to Brainfreezeland. Yet, Winnipeg appears to have embraced this distinction, and seeks to continue to perpetuate this trend. Heck, there are even billboards around the town that crow about this amazing 11 year run of ice-sucking glory.  I snapped this one on Portage, just outside of Polo Park shopping mall last week:

You go, Winnipeg.

If you see me forgoing my customary super-mamoth-über-grande coffee for a waxy paper cup overflowing with blue and pink sweetened ice mush, please do me a favor and shoot me.

Also? A Slurpee by any other name is simply a Chutney Squishee.


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