Photo Essay: Smile & The World Smiles With You?

99.9% of the time, I look like this.

I am not a smiley person.

The furrowed brow and slightly annoyed expression doesn’t actually mean I’m angry.

It doesn’t mean I’m annoyed.

It doesn’t even mean I’m thinking anything.


The world, at large, feels the need to point out that I suffer from perma-bitchface, and random strangers on the street (read: men) feel compelled to shout “You’d be a whole lot prettier if you just tried smiling.” Oh! THAT is my problem. If only I’d thought of that. How original! I’ve never heard anyone tell me that in the past 25 years! Thank you!

Apparently, the world would feel safer if I walked around like this:

That’s right, people. If you implore me to smile, I look like Renee Zellweger’s demented twin. Is that what you want? Is that really a better, brighter me? I think it looks like someone needs to dial my Lithium down a notch.

I suppose the solution is a little bit of Botox, a nose job and some facial tweaking. I can look like I’m smiling without effort! It would be more of this:

In the words of the sage and illustrious Paris Hilton “That’s hawt.” Look out , Kevin Bacon. Mrs. Piggy is in the house!

For all of you who feel the need to tell me that I always look pissed off, that I need to smile more, that I would be prettier if I turned that frown upside down? Bite me.

– The Sourpuss


5 thoughts on “Photo Essay: Smile & The World Smiles With You?

  1. Of course ‘looking a whole lot prettier’ is every woman’s goal, desire, and eats up every minute of her day. Being pretty should always equal not having a deep thought cross your pwetty wittle bwain at any given moment, besides. Ugh.

  2. Well, duh. I’d hate for my bitch-face to offend strange men on the street. I mean, isn’t that what matters?

    Apparently, yes. If you walk around with a smile and bob your head back and forth, the world is your oyster.

  3. It’s funny.

    I make an effort to be smiling all the time, not because I’m a happy or enthusiastic person (and the two of you can confirm I’m absolutely not) but because I’m afraid of inheriting my mom’s frown lines.

    I’d rather constantly be miserable and look happy than constantly look miserable no matter how happy I am.

  4. There was this extremely annoying friend of the family who used to tell me to smile every time he saw me as a teenager. And he would hold out a candy for me. He was like a grandfatherly type. Anyways, the message was clear, “If you want this gross candy that has been in my pocket since 1983 then you’d better smile.”

    I don’t think he ever figured out why I didn’t.

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