99.9% of the time, I look like this.
I am not a smiley person.
The furrowed brow and slightly annoyed expression doesn’t actually mean I’m angry.
It doesn’t mean I’m annoyed.
It doesn’t even mean I’m thinking anything.
THIS IS JUST HOW I LOOK.
The world, at large, feels the need to point out that I suffer from perma-bitchface, and random strangers on the street (read: men) feel compelled to shout “You’d be a whole lot prettier if you just tried smiling.” Oh! THAT is my problem. If only I’d thought of that. How original! I’ve never heard anyone tell me that in the past 25 years! Thank you!
Apparently, the world would feel safer if I walked around like this:
That’s right, people. If you implore me to smile, I look like Renee Zellweger’s demented twin. Is that what you want? Is that really a better, brighter me? I think it looks like someone needs to dial my Lithium down a notch.
I suppose the solution is a little bit of Botox, a nose job and some facial tweaking. I can look like I’m smiling without effort! It would be more of this:
In the words of the sage and illustrious Paris Hilton “That’s hawt.” Look out , Kevin Bacon. Mrs. Piggy is in the house!
For all of you who feel the need to tell me that I always look pissed off, that I need to smile more, that I would be prettier if I turned that frown upside down? Bite me.
– The Sourpuss